i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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