How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
