you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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