you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
My vagina is officially offended.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
