I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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