I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
