Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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