All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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