Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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