Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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