we need to drink 2009 down the drain
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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