I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
