You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
