I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
