Will you blow on my dice?
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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