I just pynch a tree in the face
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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