i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
