Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
