You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
