I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
