I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
