Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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