At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
