Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
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