I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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