real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
