Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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