When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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