so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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