i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
