Im at strip club and am horny
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
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