What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
