Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
