hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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