Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
