So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
