her vagina looked like bernie madoff
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
