Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just saw a hot homeless man
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
So much rum. So many feels.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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