think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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