I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
