Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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