fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Less talking, more tequila
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
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