I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You took a bar mat shot.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
