Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
