i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
