my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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