I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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