should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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