His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
