if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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