a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
