I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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