if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
