The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
