Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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